I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
