the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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