She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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