in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
