is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
