I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize