BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
