i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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