I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
well you can't waste a boner
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
