I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
