I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
