This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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