are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
