i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
