yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
