I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
