Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
