I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
third nipple confirmed
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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