he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize