Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
