from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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