Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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