I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize