and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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