Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
