well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
