it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
