Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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