Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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