Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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