I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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