Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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