I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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