1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I would fuck him just for his dog
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
