I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
