i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
