Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My nipple is on Facebook.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You took a bar mat shot.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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