PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
