I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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