Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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