Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It's Friday. Sex?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
