Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
