all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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