The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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