why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
