I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Randomize
