I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
