Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize