I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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