Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize