whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
