I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I think i got beer on your cat.
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