His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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