I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
