I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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