as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
