We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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