dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I understand Curling. That high.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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