Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
