Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My vagina is officially offended.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
