You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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