great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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