Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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