Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
