Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize