One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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