I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
