ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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