Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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