We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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