I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
