peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize