Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
