Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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