I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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