Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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