take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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