I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
