If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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