Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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