i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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