based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
