John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
