yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
someone owes me an orgasm
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
