My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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