dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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