I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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