i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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