I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
