Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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