...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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