The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
