So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
