She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
