my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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