You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
