Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
