she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I think my moral compass just broke
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
